we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
