Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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