It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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