your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
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walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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