Someone shit on the floor
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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