I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
