I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
