I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
