I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
