I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
