I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Alive.
So much puke
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
