Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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