we're blogging at a bar
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
