Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
