awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
