Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
