I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
