when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's shark week go big or go home
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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