I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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