she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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