I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
