Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
