God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
