the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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