You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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