addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
