what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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