Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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