"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
