pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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