I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
