my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
