Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
