How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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