yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
