Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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