Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
