I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
