so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
