Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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