Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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