I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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