Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
