Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Holy sore nipples Batman
How does it feel to date your dad?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
