still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
