my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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