I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
