apparently the secret to your success is patron
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
