His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
