Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
