My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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