i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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