The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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