I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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