Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
