just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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