I think I died a long time ago.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
