She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
