so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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