Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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