In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
