His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
