just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
