I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
