2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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