At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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