This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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