I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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